Prophecy #1

Good evening, friends and enemies. I hope you have not forgotten my function as a prophet after such lengthy introductions to my life and philosophy. Although I do enjoy talking about myself, the main purpose of this blog is to make the reader aware of the fate of human existence in the future. N0, I am not a born prophet…I acquired my skill as one acquires any skill…hard, hard work and determination. These are overrated traits, but they’re useful for a man such as I, with so much responsibility. (Sigh) I really have to stop calling myself a man.

Thus, this blog serves a function like no other. The fact that I am using this as the sole way in which I communicate my visions of the future to the masses makes it an extremely important publication. In all honesty, this may be the only blog that actually matters.

I receive my prophetic visions through a device known as a commercial stereoscope. (In common terminology, a View-Master) I insert the slides of various different topics, and then snap the device very quickly, spending only a few moments on each image. Eventually, this rapid succession, if done correctly, produces a window into time from which I can garner the potential pathways open to man.

Unfortunately, my view of the future is limited to the approximate area on earth displayed in the View-Master, so I have to go through multiple sets of slides in order to develop an adequate understanding of what I see, and arrive at implications for what is to come. Bakey Man kindly scanned a slide that I use often, at the Internet Cafe in which he earns a meager portion of his living, pictured below. Interestingly, the sets that work most often in opening up a portal are “Contemporary Italian Figurines” and “Architectural Landmarks of New England,” so you can guess how limited my viewpoint can be.

Although I have a number of Prophecies that should be brought to light, I want to begin by revealing to you my most general interpretation, and then we’ll get more specific from there. As far as I can tell, the progress of humanity has in store for it two mutually exclusive conclusions.  I see a future ahead of us without time, or at least where time is not taken seriously, a new age where people finally come to terms with Einstein’s theories. So “conclusion” in this sense means a final end to time and progress.

The first vision I have of this timeless world is one of harmony and selfless cooperation, where humans live without consideration of the future in unchanging togetherness, with each other and nature. Aside from the inevitability of death (which wouldn’t concern these people much anyway), this scenario would much resemble the Christian idea of Heaven, without the relinquishing of individuality for absorption into an all powerful god-thing.

The other vision is too one of unconscious nothingness, but on the other end of the spectrum. I see human life as being total mundane misery, with minimal interaction between members of the species. Everyone exists as self-serving separate entities that interact with others as “objects in the shape of humans,” as the philosopher Brian Hioe put it. Being that the natural elements that worked together to create conditions for life will be destroyed, similar structures and systems will be artificially manufactured to make up for this loss of balance. Like the former prospect, time will cease to be a mode of perspective utilized by the human mind, but in this case it will have negative consequences. After endless hours of staring at screens, this ability will disappear, and no one will have the foresight to prevent increasing amounts of suffering that people inflict on themselves. Again inaccurately quoting Brian Hioe, “What the enablers of this future want to do is stop change.” This scenario resembles the Christian notion of hell. As we can see with the current trend of global warming, the earth is already preparing for this outcome.

Some may see these visions as overly simplistic Utopian and Dystopian renderings of the future, the first being too idealistic and the other as being too pessimistic. However, I did observe some slight variations. For example, the second proposed future may not be dreary, because there will still be a sun. Apparently it takes too much effort to destroy it and replace it with something man-made. As for the happy “ending,” it seems to me that Blogs will cease to exist, because there will be no immature insecurity to fuel the effort to write and publish them. In which case, you know what, don’t do anything to prevent the progression towards existential hell. I need an audience.